WordHurdle

"Good enough" parenting vs. hyperparenting

Today Zach was diagnosed with strep.  It's the 2nd Vaughan strep casualty of the season so far.  But Zach's documentation said strep and "scarlet fever", which sounded ominous.  I did a little WebMD search and came up with the fact that scarlet fever is just strep with a rash.  No biggie.

Having solved the crisis, I clicked on another link at WebMD. From there, I read an article, which led me to Google something, which led me to this blog article titled "The Good-Enough Mother".

Seriously -- don't ask me how I ended up at MommyBloggers.com, but this article really struck a chord with me.  It contrasts "hyperparenting" and "attachment parenting" with "good enough" parenting.  I'm not saying it's the gospel truth, but this mom has a point, and it's worth a read if you're a parent, especially if you're not a perfect parent.

Sleeping in his school clothes

I just went to check on Brady, my 1st grader, right before I went to bed.  In the dark, I noticed something about his shirt looked odd -- it looked like it had a collar on it.  As I investigated further, he is asleep, wearing his school outfit planned for tomorrow.

Laughing, I asked Amy what's going on.  She was shocked -- she thought maybe he fell asleep in his clothes from the lake trip today, but his school uniform for tomorrow?  She said he'd said something before bed about wanting to sleep in tomorrow and just go straight to school without much time beforehand, so she told him to not set his alarm and we'd let him sleep in a little bit before we woke him up.  Apparently, he took it one step further and got totally dressed for the day before going to bed.  That's my boy -- thinking ahead!

He's going to be bummed tomorrow when his shirt is all wrinkled, and we make him change.

You might be a showoff if ....

Apparently I'm officially upscale. According to this article in the Washington Post, out on the east coast, it's considered posh and elitist to have more than 2 kids. In the article, people having more than 2 kids are even called "showoffs". I will admit that Amy and I have received some verbal heat from a couple in our church who believe that procreation should be limited to 2 children in order to "replaced yourself." I've always just laughed them off. I'm going on child #4, so if I lived on the East Coast, I guess I'd be a high roller.

Life with Brady

Brady has done a real good job of letting me be sick through my little stomach flu turmoil.  Yesterday, he would check on me with Amy, but he left me to my sickness in the downstairs bedroom without really bothering me for most of the day.

By the time I came upstairs last night, he was ready to play.  I finally agreed to "play downstairs" after he pled intensely for some time before bedtime.  And we had a good time.

Today, he again has allowed me some time to rest and recuperate and get back in the swing of things.  I've given him concentrated playtime in 10-15 minute intervals, and he really appreciates that.  But, besides that, he has done a great job of entertaining himself, mostly without mine or Amy's involvement.  As I've sat in the study working, he's played in the downstairs living room within view, playing with his trains, his tool workbench, his Legos and such.

Lately, he has discovered how to use our CD player downstairs.  He likes to play Wiggles and Veggie Tales CDs, and he has learned how to switch out the CDs and press Play to start them.  So, now, when he plays downstairs, he also gets to listen to his favorite music while he plays.

There was a perfect Brady moment this afternoon.  Zach was asleep upstairs, and Amy had run into town for a minute.  I was working in the study, and Brady was out in the living room.  The Wiggles were playing on the CD player, and Brady was just enjoying the Wiggles.  He was just sort of dancing all around the room in a Wiggles sort of way, just frolicking to the music.  Every once in a while, he would crawl up on the arm of the couch, wiggle about, fall backwards onto the couch, and then hop up and start dancing around the room again.  It was a priceless moment.  Our friend Angie Bybee called while I was enjoying watching him and I told her what was going on, and Angie expressed it perfectly when she said that it could only be a more complete Brady moment if he were doing this all in just his underwear.  I agreed, but destroying the perfection, I had to tell her that he was wearing his pajamas.  But, it being 4 in the afternoon, pajamas wasn't too bad, either.

Flu Bug

It's been a wild couple of days. 

Tuesday night, I lifted weights.  I didn't really feel like working out, but as I am making a healthy "life change" (and I barely worked out the week prior), I went downstairs and started working out.  About halfway through my workout, I wasn't feeling very good.  I chalked it up to working out too hard -- I was lifting some good-sized weights.  Eventually, I came to the point that I had to skip my abs exercises because I was just not feeling good at all.  My stomach was just all over the place, and I felt like I was going to have acid reflux at any moment.  Once again, I attributed this to lifting too hard -- lifting weights can cause acid reflux, and it happens to me every once in a while.  So, I gave up on lifting weights.

I work out late because it's the only time I can find with my career, my family, etc.  So, by the time I went upstairs, Amy was in bed.  My muscles were real tired, so I ate a little yogurt-whey protein mixture I've concocted.  But, boy, I did not feel good at all.  I just tried to take it easy and relax a little bit before bedtime.

After a while, I went to bed.  But, boy, I did not feel good at all.  No matter how I laid, I felt like I was gonna hurl.  I slept in fits, trying to get comfortable, but I spent most of the night concentrating on moving a little as possible to avoid that "about to hurl" feeling.  About 3 a.m., I got out of bed to go to the bathroom and go that cold sweats "really about to hurl" feeling.  And then it happened .....   Didn't last long.  Just one hurl, and I felt good enough to go back to bed, just so I could spend the rest of the night, half awake, half asleep, trying not to move so as to avoid that "about to hurl" feeling.

I had to get up a 6 a.m. to get ready to go to Bolivar for court.  My calendar for the day was packed.  I had 3 different courts to go to, plus a couple of client appointments.  Problem was that when my alarm went off, it took about 15 minutes for me to decide that I could get out of bed without actually hurling.  The more I thought about any physical activity of any sort (simple physical activity, like getting out of bed, taking a shower, driving to Bolivar, etc.), the more I felt nauseous.  Overall, I just had a generalized sense of nausea associated with anything and everything.

Amy finally convinced me that going to work was not a good idea.  I knew that, because the last thing I wanted was to get to court in Bolivar, end up getting sick there, and having to drive all the way home.  So, I stayed home, and just for sickness sake, I moved down to the downstairs bedroom so as not to spread my sickness and to try to get some rest.

Ends up that Zach got sick during the night, too.  And he had a fever for most of the day.  So, sometime during the course of the morning, I realized this sickness probably had very little to do with my lifting too much.  Luckily, the Polk County court was understanding and allowed us to reset my cases there, and my client were willing to wait a few more days.  Also, Will stepped in and helped out with the other court appearances.  All in all, it all worked out.

As for me, I spent the day sleeping in 2 hour intervals.  I would wake up for 30 minutes to an hour and then sleep for another 2 hours.  This process repeated itself until about 4 in the afternoon when Amy announced that she was starting to feel not so good.  I told her to give me one more 2 hour nap and I would come help out in case she started getting sick.  So, around 6 p.m., I went upstairs and was able to eat some crackers and peanut butter, but, boy, I was weak and achy.

We played with the boys and had fun with them until bedtime.  Then, we watched "Lost" on DVR.  By this time, I was feeling really tired and achy still and I was starting to get chills, so I went to bed.  Amy stayed up and watched "Alias" on DVR.

I woke up at 5 a.m., not feeling so good.  My back was aching from laying down for so long over the course of the day, and my stomach was aching, but it seemed more like a downright hungry ache than a "about to hurl" ache.  I got up, walked around, ate some crackers, and finally convinced myself to go back to bed.  But, boy, I did not feel good.

We got up at 8 a.m. this morning, and I was feeling good enough to eat and felt like I would feel better if I got some food in me.  I made one of my oatmeal concoctions (oats, milk, protein powder, sliced almonds, wheat germ, frozen blueberries, all nuked for 3 minutes) and it all went down OK.  As the morning progressed, I felt better, took a bath to try to relax my sore back muscles, took some ibuprofen to calm the aches a little bit, and slowly worked into my day.

It's now around 4 in the afternoon, and I'm feeling pretty normal.  I even got wild and ate some red beans and rice for lunch.  Amy thought I was crazy, but I was really craving it.  And it seems to have done me just fine.  I've been working most of the afternoon in the study and I'm feeling close to normal.  It's always wonderful when you realize you're almost done with a stomach flu.

A Most Excellent Birthday

The photo below is a picture of me from my birthday party tonight. I couldn't have asked for a better time. First, I spent the afternoon shopping in Branson with Amy and the boys (Silver Dollar was closed today - sadly). I got some good birthday clothes (not to be confused with a birthday suit), and Brady and I got a toy Stealth fighter and Stealth bomber to play with. Then, we went to Landry's in Branson and met my sister, brother-in-law, their kids and my parents. We were there over 2 hours and had a total blast! The fam brought balloons for the table, plus the handmade crown shown in the photo. My birthday presents included the DVD game "Scene It", where everything is based around movie scenes played off the enclosed DVDs, and a Craftsman Reciprocating Saw, as well as a my mom's wonderful strawberry cake. What a great birthday! And Brady said "Happy birthday, Dad!" more times than I can count.

Birthdays are funny

Today's my birthday. I'm 32 (for those who want to know). Birthdays are funny -- everyone gets one special day every year, and it's amazing how sacred that day is. For me, I took the day off, and I'm hanging with the family today and ending with a nice dinner of Landry's seafood in Branson with my family. We might hit Silver Dollar City or Branson shopping, but it's a really gloomy day out there and the temperature is still in the 50s, so it may not be the best day to be outside wandering.

I have a friend, Kyle Dana, who cracks up when people recognize that their birthday ends up on someone else's birthday. You know the moment -- "Your birthday is October 19?!?!? SO IS MINE!!!!" Or even better is the "Your birthday is October 23?!?!? Mine is the 19th!!!!" Or when you start having birthday excitement by degress like "Your birthday is the 19th? My sister's is the 20!!!!" He just thinks this is just a hilarious social phenomenon because it really means nothing that two people were born on the same day (or within a few days of each other). It creates no real bond, no real connection based on anything substantive. But, when you get into a conversation with someone and that moment arrives, it's amazing how it seems like being one of the million people who was born on the same day means something of significance.

4 a.m. wakeup, Homecoming and Pig Roast

This morning started early. It's gotten cold early here in the Ozarks. I turned the heat on last night for the first time, but Brady got cold at 4 a.m. and decided to come get in bed with us. That's never really happened of his own accord. There have been times when he was in bed with us when he was young and just wouldn't sleep, but we've learned something about our boys -- if they get in our bed, they're not there to sleep.

I think back to the night before my best friend's wedding (in which I was the best man). The wedding was up in the Rockies of Colorado, and the wedding party decided to stay at a condo up near the wedding site. It was beautiful and fun, but we also had a small child in play. When we stayed away from home, we typically put Brady in another room or somehow away from us, because if we were in the same room, he woke up and wanted our attention. A separate room scenario was not possible at this condo, so, as expected, despite our best efforts, he woke up around 5 a.m. and wanted our attention. We put him in our bed with us, and then for the next 2-1/2 hours, I acted like I was asleep while Brady made every effort to get me to wake up. It was a long morning to say the least.

This morning started at 4 a.m. Brady crawled in bed, and we truly believed that for the first time ever, he was going to fall asleep in our bed. But, alas, no. For the next 2 hours or so, he tried real hard but consistently succumbed to every distraction he could create to wake us up. Finally, around 6 a.m. or so, Amy got up with him and took him to the living room. Wow -- we really started the day tired.

First thing this morning was a drive to Bolivar for SBU Homecoming. It was my 10 year reunion homecoming, but I didn't go out of my way to take part in the 10 year festivities, and apparently no one else did either. It was kinda cold this morning, so we bundled the boys up and went to watch the parade. Brady thought it was kinda cool. Zach just hung out in his backpack. We saw lots of people, but it was a low-attendance homecoming.

SBU has a new athletics/fitness facility that is amazing. They've redone the old fieldhouse and ended it to encompass the swimming pool. So, now it's all in one big building with a practice gym, a better running track, seriuos fitness and workout facilities, racquetball courts and the athletic offices. It's smooth. We were very impressed.

After lunch with Otto, Johnna, Olivia, Jes & Dad, we came back home and took naps. Then, we had a babysitter come over and Amy and I went to the Project Hope annual pigroast fundraiser. This is a big event where they cook a pig, have great food and then do auctions (silent and live) to raise funds for Project Hope, a Nicaragua missions organization based locally. We've been attending for years (and have spent way too much at those auctions) and this year we took Johnna and Otto along with us. They had a good time, too. And it got done earlier this year, so we were home in time to put the boys to bed.

It's going to be a cold night again. I'm turning up the heat. No one wants to wake up at 4 a.m. again.

Two Boys to Church, A Clean Garage, and a Bad Head Bonk

Two big things happened today: #1) My first Sunday morning getting both boys together and to church on time, and #2) Cleaning out the garage so we could fit both my Avalanche and Amy's new Tahoe into the garage at the same time.

The morning was crazy. Amy had to be at church at 7 a.m. to sing, so I was on my own to get the boys to church by 9:30 a.m. Zach woke up early around 7:10 or so. Brayd ended up sleeping for a while, which was nice, so I was able to sneak in a shower before he got up. It wasn't a bad morning -- it was just kinda disorganized. All in all, in worked out OK. I used one of Amy's muffin mixes to make a coffeecake, taking a risk since Brady had never had coffeecake before. It all worked out. Zach was pretty grumpy most the morning, and he didn't eat real well, but it all worked out. I can handle it on the occasional Sunday when Amy's singing, but, boy oh boy, it's not something I want to do all the time. As Tom Stone and I agreed at church, we have utter respect for stay at home moms and their ability to not go insane by the time their kids reach age 5. Oh, and, we didn't make it there by 9:30 -- it was closer to 9:45.

The other big event was cleaning out the garage. Wow! After lunch, we decided to take a nap. I questioned whether I should do that or just start on the garage, but I napped anyway. We didn't really get started on the garage until 3:30 or 4 p.m. Oh, my! It was just like that cleaning show on TLC, Clean Sweep. We emptied out the whole garage into the driveway, which took forever, and then started cleaning, throwing away and putting the rest back. I've decided to build some shelves for storage up high, and I've been able to downsize that project from around $200 to about $50-75. It is shocking how much trash and junk was in that garage. We ended up getting done around 10 p.m., and we were amazed we got the whole job done in that time. We have a massive pile of trash waiting on the curb, and we have a lineup of stuff to go up on the new shelves, so I need to get started on that project. Zach spent most of the time in his stroller, in Amy's backpack and even in his jumper in the doorway out to the backyard, and he was a pretty content baby most of the afternoon. Brady found my racquetballs and entertained himself for hours. The only downside of the day was that, late in the evening, Brady tripped over a broom and bounced his forehead off the garage floor. It was horrible, and he has a mighty bad bruise to show for it.
We even kept him up until 10 p.m. just to make sure he didn't have a concussion. But, in the end, it all worked out, we have a clean garage (not yet with shelves), and we can now fit both the Avalanche and the Tahoe into the garage. Brady wouldn't go to bed until he'd had a chance to look at the clean garage with both the cars inside -- then, he was content enough to sleep.

Conversations about God with Brady

Brady created a new game a couple of weeks ago, after I did some work on the table saw, when he found a long slip of wood that, when he wielded it, actually made a good spear-type weapon. That night, he wanted to go scares tigers out of his bedroom and out of the downstairs bedroom, which essentially consisted of running into the "occupied" room yelling, screaming and waving sticks in every corner of the room.

Tonight, after we got back from Kansas City, he wanted to go scare tigers out of those rooms again. So, he grabbed a stick that he'd found outside and I grabbed the "spear" and the went upstairs and downstairs tiptoeing into rooms and then erupting in yells and screams with sticks in motion. We went upstairs and downstairs probably five or six times doing this before I finally gave up and made the executive decision that we'd taken care of the tigers for the night.

Every night, Brady and I pray before he goes to sleep. It's part of a multifaceted ritual of bedtime routines, but the prayer time has become something that must happen. If I don't initiate it, he asks for it. These prayers turn into conversations about anything and everything, but it's often a good chance to just talk about.

Tonight, I prayed with him and left his room, but shortly thereafter, he started whimpering and when I stepped back in his room he was hopping out of bed, saying, "I'm scared."
I asked, "Scared of what?"
"The tigers," he said.
"There's no need to be scared of the tigers," I said. "They're just pretend tigers."
"Pretend tigers?"
"Yeah. They're just pretend tigers. Not real tigers."
"Pretend tigers?"
"Yeah. We don't have any real tigers in our house," I explained.
"Where are real tigers?" he asked.
"Well, there are real tigers at the zoo, and real tigers live outside," I said.
"Will they eat us?" he asked.
"No, I don't think they'll eat us. Tigers probably don't eat people much. They just get scared by people sometimes," I said.
"Will lions eat us?" he asked.
I chuckled. "No. I think lions just get mean to people because they are scared, too. I don't think lions like to eat people."
"Will sharks eat us?" he asked.
"Well, sharks sometimes bite people, but I don't think they like to eat people. They only bite people when they get scared."
"How do sharks get scared?" he asked.
"Well, they probably get scared by lots of splashing in the water that confuses them, or they probably get scared by boats sometimes."
"Will crocodiles eat us?" he asked.
"Well, I'm not sure about that. Crocodiles ..... well, you'd probably just better stay away from crocodiles," I said, just to be safe.
Then I added, "You shouldn't be scared of all of those animals at bedtime. Don't you know who's protecting you?"
"Tell me," he said.
"God is protecting you," I said. "All you have to say is, 'God, I'm scared. Please protect me' and he will take care of you."
Brady said, "He hears me?"
"Yep."
"Where is He?" Brady asked.
"He's everywhere and He's right here," I said. "He's always with you, taking care of you and keeping you safe."
"Does He have a stick?" he asked.
"No, He doesn't need a stick," I said. "He uses His voice. He just talks to the animals."
"What does He say?" Brady asked.
"He tells them to stop and to go away," I said. "He made the animals, so he can tell them when to stop."
He looked at me thoughtfully.
"You know how you make things with blocks?" I said. "Well, if those blocks did something you didn't like, you could just knock them down. That's what God can do. Since He made the animals, He can make the animals stop, too."
"He knocks them down!" Brady growled, playfully.
"So, whenever you are scared, God wants to protect you. So, all you have to do is talk to Him and He will take care of you. He wants to hear from you."
"He keeps me safe?" Brady asked.
"Yes. God loves you and wants you to be safe. He wants to get to know you and wants to be your friend."
"Is he going to take me to heaven?" Brady asked.
"Someday. But not right now," I said.
"I don't want to go to heaven," he said.
"You won't go to heaven for a while, bud," I said. "For now, you get to stay here with me. Would you like that?"
"Mmmmhmmmm," he said with a smile.
"Will the dogs be in heaven?" he asked.
"Sure," I said.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because God loves animals. He made animals," I said.
"Does He like dogs," Brady asked.
"Yeah, I he likes dogs alot."
"What color is He?" Brady asked.
"God?"
"Yes. What color is He?"
"Well, God looks alot like us. When God made people, He said that he wanted us to be like Him so He made us alot like Him. Isn't that cool?"
"Mmmhmm," he said, blinking slower and slower.

At this point, I decided he needed to sleep. He was about to fall asleep, so I just kissed him and said goodnight.